WHAT COMES TO MY MIND

wow it's been ten days since i last updated my blog....
I can't believe christmas is almost here...
well ever since christmas party was over I been giving myself a relaxing break...
past two weeks was like super intense~
I felt like there was so much pressure...
I was wanted my parents to come to the christmas party and be surprised how nice everything was and how impact has grown so much...
but things always end up the way u didn't think of...
my mom was mad and yelling and complaining about how much time I put into this whole party, and how I don't care about our family or their life and death///
things got very out of hand and I haven't spoke to her for like almost 2 weeks...
knowing that she didn't even bother to show up at the party and how much she even hates church was on my mind for like that whole week was like a nuclear weapon from satan... it just like dropped in my heart and exploded my heart into pieces.
I still remember I would be crying at one point in the middle of doing sth, and pull myself together the next minute.
"A season of hope" for me was trying to bring hope to my family and warmth into our house and build up a total different atmosphere. but instead it was a no show.
actually now that I think of it, I need to apologize to many people that I offened with my attitude, I want you to know it has nth to do with u personaly it just had to do with my own emotions from all the stress I had with my family.
I really wanted to see loving family gathering and celebrate christmas and enjoying one another's presence...
So i'm giving myself no credit for this whole thing because there was sth missing at the party... ones that I live with, ones that I love, ones that gave me birth... if all I gave them was the feeling that I didn't care then how can I offer it to 80+ ppl...
Jesus we really need you in our family... as messed up as it appears to be I think u're the only one that could fix it... would PLEASE send down ur angels and restore the love and joy to this family, because without your presence at our house nothing else matters, cars, money, big house... it's all just an empty eggshell... You are the one that's going to bring us life and a purpose... to live... let my parents see that... I ask you to just open their eyes and awake their spirit... this house needs miracles...
I also pray that in a season like this, "A Season of Hope" that you would restore all the broken families with love and peace...
God u see me through like clear waters, u know exactly how I feel and what I need... so I ask all this in the Father, Spirit and Son....
-Amen

Thx Booer for everything~
it was mucho fun to hang out with you today~
I was glad you liked the steak, and the dessert I made~
although the sparkling wine tasted bad but i think it added some atmosphere to it...
the movies were ok but since u were there with me they were more enjoyable than itself...
i'm sorry the dinner was rushed but today was wonderful...
Dec 7th...last month of the year...